I am a parent. I have 4 children, 3 of which have diagnosis of some sort. Some of those diagnosis change, some of those stay the same. Some people say they don't see a problem, while others seem to look at us like what must be wrong with that family. We have had diagnosis ranging from simple ADHD, to ODD, to bi-polar, to early onset schizophrenia, to the newest and latest diagnosis for children, DMDD. Are all those diagnosis right? Maybe, maybe not.
Here is what I do know. As a parent, you know when your children's behavior is normal or not. As a parent, you try to help your kids in anyway that you can, even when that help doesn't seem to be working. And as a parent, having children who have emotional or mental health issues can be devastating in so many different ways.
Another thing I know, is that having children who struggle, whether emotionally or mentally, or who behave in ways that are extreme or out of the ordinary is exhausting and lonely. Because the truth of the matter is, most people don't understand. Most people don't know what it takes sometimes just to get your kids up and out the door in the morning. Most people don't deal with kids who don't want to go to school for whatever that reason is that day, no matter how irrational it may sound to us. Most people don't deal with children who throw tantrums that make them seem much younger than their actual age. Most people don't understand the difficulties when your child is already struggling with an issue like those above, how they are singled out by their peers and instead of just having to deal with their own emotional and mental problems, how they now have to deal with the bullying that accompanies those problems.
Most people don't understand.
So what do we do? We hide. I think that parents who have kids who struggle with emotional problems are probably the best at hiding, until we are not. There has always been such stigma when it comes to emotional/mental health issues. And those of us that deal with that on a daily basis are afraid, and even those of us that try to work with schools and teachers, and mental health organizations, still hide. Because the truth of the matter is, (and I know that I will probably anger some people out there) when you have a child that consistently behaves in a manner that is overly aggressive, overly disrespectful, overly emotional, shuts down, refuses to comply, over-reacts to relatively simple situations, there is always the question about what mistakes the parents have made. There is always, some kind of judgement. And it doesn't matter if you have Drs. or therapists, or counselors telling you that you didn't do anything to cause the problem. There is always guilt. Whether you have tried coping skills, Love and Logic, calm parenting, angry parenting, compassionate parenting, sympathetic parenting, drill sergeant parent, or even throw your hands up in the air and give up parenting, there are some kids out there where NOTHING works. It is a heartbreaking, exhausting cycle, leaving one feeling depleted, helpless and overwhelmed.
Then let's add on to that, the mental health appointments, the medication checks, the therapy sessions, the IEP's, the 504's, the endless phone calls, the attendant care, and the respite care and the group care, and all that goes with all of those appointments. Add to that all the medications that either work or don't, and then you are searching for alternatives, either different medications or therapies. Then add the hospitalizations, that do happen and the heartache that those cause, not to mention the changes in school plans etc. Someone who does not live this life, simply can not understand.
So there is a new diagnosis out there. DMDD, or disruptive mood dis-regulatory disorder. Yes, that is a mouthful. And there is already controversy about this new diagnosis, especially with the parameters that have been set for it. There are people who say that psychologists are just trying to fill in a gap, or just add a new disorder so they can once again over medicate. When in my heart, I want to believe that these people are truly trying to help these children who live these lives in which their emotions are out of control and inconsistent with what is really going on in their lives.
Do I know all the answers? Not even close. Do I know half of the answers, not even close. But I have to believe that sometime, somewhere, something will happen that will help. You see, because I am a parent. I live this life. I have seen so many sides to it. And it isn't always bad. When you see a child make great strides and big changes and improvements, there is hope and it's exciting. Yet, there is still fear that something will happen and there will be a set back, and those do happen too.
So what is the point of this blog? I honestly don't know. Maybe to inform. Maybe to ask for less judgement. Just like between mothers who constantly compare and judge each other when they have "normal" children. We are still mothers, and fathers, and our children are still our children and just because they struggle more with emotional and mental health issues doesn't mean that we still aren't trying to do our best as parents, or that our kids don't know that they are different. Because they do, even if they don't understand why.
There needs to be more compassion in the world. Not just for these issues, but all those who face similar ones. Parenting is hard, no matter what issues you are dealing with, but sometimes, some parents have it a little harder, could use a little more understanding, and maybe even a little more support.
But that's just my own simple view.
No comments:
Post a Comment