The word determination has been on my mind a lot this week. I have been dwelling on it, pondering it, wondering why no one really ever sat down and talked to me about it as a child growing up.
My husband and I started coaching Upward soccer through our church. It's my husbands second year coaching, but my first. I am only assisting him with organizing his team, calling parents and such, doing the paperwork and learning the devotions. Last weeks devotion was on the subject of determination. That is why I have been thinking about it so much. The coaches handbook I have states that "determination is deciding it's worth it to finish what you've started". I had never really thought about it like that. To be honest I had never really thought about it at all.
One of my favorite passages in the Bible is James 1, specifically verses 2-4. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work so that you maybe mature and complete, not lacking anything".
Throughout most of the hard times I have had in my life I have clung to, fought with, wrestled with this verse in unimaginable ways. I love it, I appreciate it, understand it, but have had such a hard time accomplishing it and following it's message. My way tends to be I try, try, try, and then give up. I never realized before what a quitter I have been in the past. Sure, I WANT to persevere. I WANT to complete everything I finish. I WANT to be able to make good and wise choices in the face of adversity, but at some point in the fight I tend to lose focus, get frustrated or disappointed and give up because I don't know what to do anymore, or I get too tired of trying.
It's amazing how one little word can change my perspective sometimes in any situation. This one happens to be my life, and once again I point out how sometimes I can hear a message about something for a long time and not "get it", and then hear it again in a completely different way and it makes sense!!! Determination!!!! Deciding BEFOREHAND on a plan or a purpose. Deciding that something is worth finishing. Having a game plan.
If you've been reading my blogs, some of you must be thinking I am very slow to catch on, and yes I admit that I kind of am. I have been trying to persevere in so many different things and areas of my life, without first determining the purpose, plan or what the conclusion may bring. That's hard! Particularly in the midst of a struggle or trial when the end is nowhere in sight, but even in every day life.
Anyway, what this all means to me is it is all about mindset. Since I have dealt with depression for so long, my mindset is something that has never been too good. I have to work at it. I understood the what and the why for so long, but now I understand the how. It's pro-active. It's choosing. For so long I thought that my depression defined who I was, that I didn't have a choice, but I do! I have a choice! In the past year I have been utilizing my ability to make that choice. Not perfectly mind you, but to a much better quality of life than I've had in the past.
Wow, so I wrote this several months ago, BEFORE school was out, and now it's the week before school starts. I'm going to go ahead and publish it like this, and then hopefully and prayerfully I can start some new posts about what has been going on in my life, things I have found and choices I have made and most of it has to do with faith and DETERMINATION.
I am DETERMINED, after a lot of things I have learned over this summer, to get this blog up and running and make it into something.....well, something more than it is now!!! That is going to be my goal!
