"So Much"

I haven't posted for awhile.  LIFE...as they call it has gotten to me.  Through it all, I find myself learning everyday.  I find myself wanting to learn more than I think I possibly can.
One of the things that I am learning...and I say "learning" like that, because it's something that I've been told, known, read about etc, and just could never get myself to fully believe.  I struggle with depression off and on. I'm what you would call a pessimist, although I never saw myself as one. Optimism just hasn't been one of my strengths.  I've had a lot of people in recent years tell me how negative I am, and I always had an excuse of "well, if things are negative then I guess I'm negative".  I wasn't strong in the Pollyanna view of life to LOOK for the good.  So this is what I am learning.
1.  There is ALWAYS a positive.  Even when you don't see it, it's there and you have to CHOOSE to see it and BELIEVE it.
2.  Circumstances may be hard, but you can CHOOSE to surround yourself with the positive.
   
 I see such a difference in my life, my mind and my attitude when I take Philippians 4:8 to heart and dwell on it.  "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable---if anything is excellent or praiseworthy---think about such things."

I'm not a Bible scholar, and I've read over this verse a lot, especially over the course of the past year, and I liked it, I thought I understood it, but it wasn't deeply seeded in me....but now I think I get it.  We are, and we act what's in our minds and hearts.  I am, and I act what's in my mind and my heart.  When I think about good, pure, lovely admirable things, life goes so much easier.  When I think about negative, untruths, compare myself to others, life is such a struggle for me.

You can go through life hearing a lesson, reading a verse and not have it get to you in a deep way that it truly takes on meaning.  And if you're like me, sometimes a little too thick for your own good, well, it could take some time. It's taken me 36 years to understand this, and now I am making an effort to put it to use every day of my life.

Meditating on God's word.  Meditating on God's affirmations for me and who I am in Him.  Learning to look for things to be grateful for even when I'm not feeling grateful, or just plain negative.

Working to surround myself with positive, uplifting, true, lovely, things.  Listening to beautiful, positive music.  Ensconcing myself in scripture, Bible lessons, audio Bible, online Bible lessons with Beth Moore, Chip Ingram, Joyce Meyers.  Literally drowning myself in all the good to push out the negative.  It makes a change in me, and a change my my life and my responses to those around me.

I recently stumbled across some websites about this very subject, and have really taken to heart the statements they talk about.  Again, I stress, sometimes you can grow up and live your life hearing something over and over again, but sometimes it takes an "ah-ha" moment for it to make sense.

Change what you say when you talk to your mind.  This is HUGE to me...so often I get lost in the lies about myself or in comparing myself to others and it truly affects me.  I have to not only STOP saying and thinking the negative, but I have to ALSO START thinking and saying the positive.  Both work together.  And I love the quote..."A persistently positive focus creates a consistently positive mind".

I think that's what God means in Philippians 4:8.  If you are constantly dwelling on the positive, beautiful things you have no room for the negative.  Is it easy?  No.  Life is hard.  We are surrounded by negativity and evil everywhere we turn, to the point that it can be all-consuming.  But in my mind, that's why life is a journey--to learn these lessons and to put them to use.  Some of us may take longer to learn the lessons, some of us may have to work harder to put them to use.

I know for me, I've seen the results, I like the results, but a lot of times it's the motivation to do the work, and what happens after that?  I fall apart and all the negative rushes back.  I can only pray that this will not always be so hard for me, that one day a cycle of getting up and falling down, getting up and falling down, will merely be a bit of a struggle instead of a constant war.